e-book Breaking Up With Someone Untrue

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There are several things to consider when planning your conversation with your friend. The goal is to create the space for the conversation to go as smoothly as possible. The following may help. Have the conversation in a private place. It can potentially be a very emotional time and that shouldn't have to occur somewhere where you could draw an audience.


Make sure you are both calm and that you are not having the conversation right before something very important such as a test or a performance review at your job. Keep a time limit in mind and avoid meeting somewhere, like over a meal, where you could potentially get stuck for longer than you would like. Plan what you are going to say beforehand. It is a good idea to sit down and prepare what you want to say to someone during any break up, but especially a break up as complex as this.

1. They avoid you.

Organizing your thoughts beforehand allows you be clear, firm, and thorough. Make sure you are clear in your communication with your friend. There should not be any doubt in their minds about what you were trying to say after meeting with you. Be firm about what you want and what you don't want in your friendships, and in this friendship going forward. Be thorough and make sure you are communicating everything you want to say and everything you feel during this conversation.

When planning what you are going to say, find a good balance between being honest, and being kind. Try to avoid blaming or being unnecessarily mean to your soon-to-be-ex friend. Talk with them. This is the potentially anxiety-inducing part, but hang in there. You have done all the preparation, so it is time to have the conversation that you have planned and prepared for with them.

Explain how you feel, and why you think you should not be friends any longer. Be honest and straightforward but try and remain as nice as possible. Have a good reason. As you get further into the conversation, you will reach a point where an explanation of why you want to end the friendship is necessary. Explain why you have been unhappy, with the least amount of blame possible. Finish what you want to say. You have explained why you think it is a good idea for you both to go your separate ways.

Now, you can begin to end your part of the talk. You'll want to make sure you are kind and you mention some of the good parts of being friends as well. Try to: Explain to them that you have an appreciation for the good times you have had together. I'll always keep those good memories close to my heart. Like that time we Or maybe I wasn't the best friend I could have been either.

Give them a chance to talk. You have said your side of things, give them a chance to respond to what you say. Be prepared for the fact that your friend may have many different emotional reactions. They may apologize profusely, they may get defensive or angry, or they may just be very sad. It is possible that they may experience all three.

Try and hear them out. Address anything that might come up like any misunderstandings or anything that might change the way you feel about breaking up with them. Avoid getting into an argument with them at this point. If they respond with anger, they are likely to begin to say hurtful things to you or to try and blame you. End the conversation. The way you end the conversation will depend on how they react to what you have said.

Again, prepare for a variety of responses on their behalf, then no matter how the conversation goes, you have an exit strategy for yourself.

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I'm sorry this worked out this way. If you need some time to process what they say, tell them that. Can we talk again tomorrow? Set up boundaries. Make sure you are certain of your decision and communicate that to them at the end of your conversation. Be clear that this is what you want and ask them to respect it.

How to Break Up With Someone in the Kindest Possible Way

Having your boundaries set before hand will make it easier to stick to them later on. If you have mutual friends, suggest that maybe you two should only hang out in groups. If you would prefer to never have contact with them again, than that is fine too. Let them know that you would prefer they do not contact you going forward.

If it is a toxic friendship, make sure for your own health you make a clean break with no contact.

Method 3. Stick to the boundaries you set. Your ex-friend may try and get back on your good side or get back in touch with you. If they do, remind them of the boundaries you set and ask that they respect them. They may be dealing with a lot of anger and may lash out at you in person, online, or within your group of mutual friends.

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Your ex-friend is just trying to get a reaction out of you or just blowing off steam. Don't respond to this type of behavior at all. Ignore rude, immature, or passive aggressive behavior. Know that this is probably easier said than done. Remind yourself that you ended the friendship for this exact reason, because you did not want to have to deal with the drama they bring into your life. This behavior is part of the reason they made a fake friend in the first place.

Take comfort in the fact that your decision to end things was the correct one.

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Watch out for the following behaviors: Constant texts, calls, emails, or social media messages. They may say mean things about you to others or try to turn mutual friends against you. Making fun of you or gossiping about you. Making you feel as though you are responsible for their choices or behavior.


I've broken up with people and been dumped — this is the right way to end a relationship

Deal with the emotions of losing a friend. Even though you were the one to end the friendship, realize that a friendship still ended. Let yourself grieve the end of the friendship and cope with whatever emotions or mix of emotions come your way.

Spend some time writing all the things you are thinking and feeling about the break up, and why those might be coming up for you. Journaling about what you are going through will help you identify how you feel as well as help you process through the emotions and constructively get them out. Address any other friendships it might have affected. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Is Willpower the New Self Esteem?

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Can You Accept the Randomness of Life? References Fox, P. Let's be mature about this Submitted by Ryan Aguiar on May 24, - pm. Kids Submitted by ms adreu on July 7, - am.